This Discomfort of Alignment: Neptune/Jupiter/ Venus conjunct in Pisces

I have been talking to many people about this Neptune/Jupiter in Pisces conjunction that happened on April 12th. Side note: it’s still happening, we’re in it!

The planet of Neptune–an outer planet– is known as a high octave of Venus and is credited with qualities such as universal love, source love, dreams, illusions, and compassion. The planet of Jupiter– a social planet— expands everything it touches– and is related to beliefs, expansion, intention, and possibilities. Together they make some “love and light” bedfellows. They officially conjuncted on April 12th, but together they’ve been doing a sexy tango since then. This is energy we are all feeling.

“I thought it would be magical, and feel good,” my best friend said.

I know what he means. The last little while, I’ve been brooding and forlorn. Staring out the window with my fist in my chin, and a frown on my face. No fun zone.

Emotionally painful, full of endings, facing truths, and giving up on big dreams that weren’t mine anyway. Yay? Haven’t we had enough of this during the pandemic? We’ve lost people we’ve loved. We were stuck in the house for years. Isn’t finally our turn to make dreams manifest, and feel the divine hand direct us gently forward? Isn’t now the time for Disney magic, a little bippity-bobbity-boo? Don’t we deserve a little manifestation and abundance talk?

But then– I think about falling in love, and how tough that is. How disorienting it can be. Or when something in your life starts to actually WORK. Your brain goes crazy trying to take your own expectations down. Your brain actually wants safety and so it’s willing to do whatever it takes to keep you small. You are expanding anyway: with love, with alignment, maybe even just with the wind, and your brain only senses danger. No changes! It says. You are better off here, stuck in the same pattern! But you expand anyway, and it’s uncomfortable.

Hello Jupiter, I see you.

I thought about Pisces, the sign we like to talk about in terms of dreams, poetry, and romantic love, but like to ignore the emotional pain that is required for all of those things. Love is one of the most painful things to feel. It feels SO GOOD but there is an unspoken yearning, and a knowledge of impermanence that is married to it. If you love, it means you can lose that love. To be cut off from this feeling, to come down from this high, or even to know you can, is a special kind of vulnerability. And you can get obsessed with it. A divine carrot to chase for eternity.

Hello Neptune, I see you.

Since April 12th, a lot of people in my neighborhood have also got COVID or some barometric pressure headache, and felt as if they couldn’t get out of bed, sluggish. I felt extremely unclear. My body and mind felt like concrete, able to absorb knowledge but unable to do things; dense with inertia. I was stuck in the mud of existence, finding myself desiring connections that dissolved into thin air– like a dream. I lost my trust in the flimsy diorama I had built my life around and just felt hurt about it all. I went through heavy doses of feeling connected then rejected, feeling successful then stupid, feeling like I’m on my game, and feeling the threat of losing everything. This wasn’t the “once in a lifetime conjunction” that I wanted.

Side note: I have my MC & Mars natally in Pisces in my chart. Pisces energy is a big part of my chart. You’d think I’d be able to handle this better?

Next week, Venus joins the party with Neptune and Jupiter. Venus is the part of us that wants to connect, that is subjective. It’s experienced as a planet of relationship, beauty, love and artistry.

I’m not one of those astrologers that thinks Venus is a bed of roses, either. I don’t say “now Venus is here and everything will be ok.” Personally, my Venus lessons hurt. The last time she did a thing, I felt forced into ending an important relationship that I did not want to let go of, and that involved moving cities. I’m still dealing with it today. But also– my life is 500% better. That relationship had to go. And neither of us expected me to give up on it.

Hello Venus, I see you!

So Venus, the great connector, the great subjective chooser, the great aligner: she doesn’t guarantee fun or ease. But I believe she will bring us home when she conjuncts with Neptune and Jupiter. She’s about to do a big reveal at the end of the month (around April 28th- May 1st) that will let us know what we are getting at. What all the yearning, endings, disappointments, discomforts, crazy successes or crazy lack of clarity and confusions– what all of this was about? A divine plan, if you will? A trajectory?

Venus’s throuple moment with Neptune and Venus says that we have a role in this big tidal wave.. We are part of a connected network. We are part of a bigger, more beautiful story, the story of our earth mama and her oceans, and humanity, and we can connect to that. We can feel it. We can touch it. We are so scared and worried, but we are also beautiful creatures. Venus wants us to feel that– we actually need to feel that to continue on.

If that connection I was feeling turned out to be a delusion, maybe it wasn’t a delusion? Maybe I did feel the connection AND that’s it for now? I was meant to feel it and it was meant to be fleeting. Maybe my lack of clarity was to shake things up because I was so directed towards the wrong goal, but I was somewhat on the right track. Maybe I was sick because my body is trying to get my attention. Maybe I needed this sharp edge around my job/relationship/house issue to bring attention to what I’m actually doing, and where my motivations are coming from?

Last night I sat around a fire with two men who cried as we listened to a recording of a “last goodbye” phone call that one of them had with his buddy, who was going on life support. I am currently in the process of helping to plan a celebration of life for an amazing human who died at 37. This is big, beautiful Pisces work. It won’t win me an award, or bunch of followers, but it feels ALIGNED in a way that I can’t deny.

Discomfort is part of the package. If you’re never uncomfortable then you’re probably hiding. Kindness, compassion, and love are fierce. And so are you. Love hard out there!